Posts Tagged ‘New Years Resolutions’

Forgot to Make New Year’s Resolutions? We Can Help


First we’d like to apologize for not getting this to you last week. We know how hard you were working to prepare some good New Year’s Resolutions. You wanted some that you could actually count on satisfying, that would really be beneficial, and that would make you sound like a mature, responsible adult. We have some; feel free to adopt them now, and assure friends and family that you actually signed them before New Year’s Eve.

Time for “the conversation”

Have you talked about end-of-life treatment issues with your family yet? No? This would be a good time to do that. Any time would be a good time to do that.

We have previously suggested Thanksgiving as a possible day to plan on “the conversation.” That suggestion still holds — but really, any day (holiday or not) would be a good day.

You say you don’t need to broach this unpleasant topic, because your family knows what you want? You’re wrong. They don’t, unless you tell them. They might guess, but they will be guessing. Their guesses will probably be more conservative than your actual wishes unless you give them permission — by telling them what you want.

In fact, you can go further than giving them permission. You can (and should) give them instructions. Tell them what you want, and put it in writing. Sign a living will, a health care power of attorney, or both (“both” is the best approach here).

It’s actually not even enough to sign the advance directives — you still have to have “the conversation.” Why? Because you’re not only telling the person you designated as your agent, you’re also telling the rest of the family. You are telling them what you want, that you’ve really thought about it, and that you really did mean to name your agent as agent. You’re heading off family disputes and possible disharmony. Did we mention that if your family doesn’t know for sure what you want, the result is likely to be more aggressive treatment than what you’d probably choose?

Here’s a radical thought: during the conversation you might also want to listen. You might be surprised to find out that some of your family members have strong feelings themselves. They might be persuasive, or at least give you more to think about.

One anecdote from our cases: some years ago, we dealt with the family of a woman who had signed advance directives. She had named her Arizona daughter as agent. She had expressly instructed that she be kept at home, even if her doctors thought she should be hospitalized or institutionalized. She made it explicitly clear that her entire savings should be exhausted, if necessary, in keeping her at home.

When she lost her capacity to discuss her preferences or reason with visitors, a long-estranged daughter arrived from out of town. She insisted that the local daughter must have persuaded Mom to sign the documents, hoping to be able to stay in Mom’s house as long as possible. She claimed that Mom would never have signed the documents if she had been in her right mind at the time.

The result? A non-family member was appointed as guardian temporarily, while an investigation was undertaken. The guardian, worried about possible liability, moved Mom to the nursing home — where she died a few weeks later, before the final court hearing.

Though Mom signed all the documents she should have, and made her wishes clear, the result was exactly what she did not want. What could she have done differently? If she had talked with (or at least written to) her estranged daughter, would the outcome have been different? Possibly — it seems like the most likely possibility. The lesson? Have the conversation, and include even those family members who will not be in charge of the decisions.

Update your estate plan

This would be a good time to pull out your old will and trust, review them, and schedule an appointment with your attorney. Has the law changed since you signed your will? Perhaps. But more importantly, has your life situation changed? Do your children (now in their 30s, or 40s) really need to have a guardian named, as they did when you signed your will twenty-five years ago? Have you moved, or changed your assets significantly? Are you the rare parent who correctly predicted each of your children’s future capabilities, needs and proclivities?

Once again, “my family knows what I would want” just won’t cut it. Believe us — we see lots of families in litigation over things that might seem trivial. Don’t think it will happen with your family, since everyone gets along so well? We hope that’s correct, but it has not been our experience.

Since you signed your will and trust, have you put one child on as joint owner of your bank account (to take care of things if “something happens”)? Have any of your children gotten divorced, or married, or had children? Do you still want the child who lived close to you fifteen years ago to be your executor and trustee, even though you’ve moved across the country to be near a different child? Have you signed an Arizona beneficiary deed after hearing a presentation, or listening to a friend? All of those things affect, and need to be taken care of in, your estate plan.

Another anecdote from our cases: last year we dealt with the estate of a fellow who moved to Arizona from another state. He had a trust and a will there, and he put his new Tucson home in the trust’s name. Apparently, though, he decided that his trust was now invalid, since he had moved from the other state to Arizona. So he made no changes.

Meanwhile, he got married. One of his children (named in his trust as a beneficiary) had become estranged. He tore up his will (it was invalid anyway, he thought). The result? His new wife ended up with his entire estate, as he apparently intended — but only after payment of several thousands of dollars of court costs and legal fees, and an opportunity for his estranged child to object (she didn’t, thankfully). Meanwhile, if he had talked with a lawyer before he died, he could have spent perhaps 1/10 of what it ultimately cost to take care of his estate.

Insurance update

Do you have enough (or too much) life insurance? How about long-term care insurance? Shouldn’t you talk with someone about your insurance status, and see what needs to be changed?

Long-term care expenses, particularly, have changed a lot in the last few years. Long-term care insurance is a maturing market, which means that older policies need to be revisited — and people who have not gotten around to looking into the policies should set aside some time to do so. Soon.

We don’t give insurance advice directly (except to advise people that they need to get more information). We recommend you talk with a trusted agent, and make sure they have your entire insurance picture. Right after you make that appointment to update your estate plan.

Need more ideas?

Not all of your New Year’s resolutions need to be about legal issues. Two years ago we gave you some other ideas, and we offer them up for your consideration again this time. You’re welcome.

New Years Resolutions — Feel Free to Borrow One or More

The distribution date for this week’s Elder Law Issues newsletter is New Year’s Eve. Although we have been publishing this (more-or-less) weekly newsletter for 19 years, that has only happened twice before — in 2007 and 2001. In both of those instances we passed up a chance to offer our readers a fabulous labor-saving arrangement, and we do not want to forego the opportunity again.

We thought it might be interesting to tell you how we intend to improve ourselves in 2013. Herewith we provide selected New Year’s Resolutions from staff at Fleming & Curti, PLC: use them as inspiration or, if inspiration is in short supply, feel free to plagiarize:

My goal for this year is to learn more about myself and follow through on things that are important or essential to me. I have spent much of my life caring for others and have recently found that I don’t know a lot about myself. I am committed to beginners golf lessons, outings with friends and other projects that help me grow and become more like the person I envision myself to be. (This reminds us of the admonition that we should always strive to be as good as our dogs think we are. But the underlying problem is endemic at Fleming and Curti: staff members tend to be self-sacrificing and helpful to a fault. It’s both the good and bad news here. See the next entry for confirmation.)

I want to lose weight and get into shape — and to start taking care of myself first. I have always put family needs before my own, and I am ready to look for some “me” time.

In addition to the usuals (lose weight, exercise more, etc.), I want to strive to keep my home office cleaner and more organized. I also want to be nicer to my spouse, exercise my dogs at least daily and be more productive at my job. If I fail at only three of those four, I will consider myself successful. (You might want to strive for success at one or more rather than failure at no more than three — but we definitely get the point about how hard it is to really be successful at self-improvement goals for a whole year).

I will reduce the number of piles on my desk to two.

I am really going to lose the same five pounds I resolve to lose every year but keep carrying around nonetheless. I am also (and I know this may be inconsistent) going to make a pie from scratch.

I want to travel somewhere I’ve never been, and to go camping at least twice next year.

I will start writing the novel swimming around in my head. (This could be a common notion at Fleming & Curti — we have too much material for several really entertaining and interesting novels. A lot of identifying information would need to be changed, but boy-oh-boy do we have stories.)

I will buy less stuff and have more fun. I will save more for retirement. (We certainly see the results of failure to address both of these goals in our professional practice here. With regard to the first one, we are reminded of the adage that no one’s headstone ever reads: “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”)

I will strive to improve my father’s life. That will mean more-frequent visits, more-prompt return of telephone calls, and periodic check-ins. It will also mean a more cheerful demeanor when I speak to or of him; he is not a burden, I genuinely like him and he has done rather a lot for me for my entire life.

I hope to be a better friend — to stay in better contact with those I care about and often think about but fail to follow up on contacting. I intend to make spontaneous calls to say “hello” and to make dates to get together if only for coffee on the way to work, lunch (even if I feel like I can’t spare that short hour away from my desk), or for a glass of wine (perhaps two) on my way home. This past year showed me how quickly our lives can change, that we need friends and loved ones and how much they mean to us. (Amen.)

As we head into this, the 20th year of our little newsletter, we wish you all a very happy 2013.

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